Some days, believe it or not, I think about the adoption process very little. Whether it’s because I’m busy or because we don’t have something adoption related to do in a given day, waiting for our little one isn’t at the forefront of my mind. Other days, I feel the weight of the wait. Today was one of the latter.
So what did today look like? Were we swamped with paperwork? Did we receive bad news? Was the to do list overwhelming?
None of the above.
We were on vacation, relaxing on the beach, surrounded by family. Today was a wonderful day, one I’ve been looking forward to for months.
In the midst of the crashing waves, the smell of sunscreen, and my nephew’s sweet “da-da-da-da” babble, I felt the weight of who was missing: our sweet little one whom I’ve been praying for with Hannah-like fervor.
I pictured her trying to eat sand, squealing as a wave rolled over her chubby legs, and babbling at a bird scurrying past her. I imagined rubbing sunscreen onto her soft, brown skin, wrapping her in a beach towel, and cuddling her cheek to cheek as I inhaled her baby scent.
And my family? Well, they’re going to love her! She’ll play with my nephew, captivate her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and sit in Pop Pop’s lap as they exchange big grins. She’ll fit right in, and we’ll wonder what life was like without her.
And she’ll be cranky and poop and scream and wake up in the middle of the night. I’m not naïve. ;0)
As we left the beach house to drive home, I watched the mighty oaks sheltering the long road, and I cried. “I feel the weight of the longing today!” I sobbed to Joseph. He reached over and held my hand, and we continued down the road.
God was faithful in the moments that followed. He flooded my mind with Scripture and song lyrics. He filled my thoughts with shifting the weight of our wait onto Him.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7 NIV)
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV)
And when I couldn’t think of the right words for this post, the song “Cast My Cares” drifted into my mind. It was perfect. There are many lines I would love to quote, so I’m going to embed the video below and only quote my favorite line:
God of glory,
You are able,
Through Your power,
To be faithful.
So good! In the midst of the weighty wait, God is faithful! On my own, I am unable to be faithful. On these days when the wait seems palpable, if I don’t lean into the Spirit and rely on His power, I will drift. I will pull away from Him slowly, bit by bit, much like the ocean shifting from high to low tide. I watched today as the water receded and more and more of the shore was revealed. It’s a steady, gradual process, almost unnoticeable at first. Thankfully, I have the Holy Spirit to enable me to be faithful. I have opportunities to take my thoughts captive and choose faithfulness over drifting.
Today (well, tonight at this point!), I’m choosing not to drift. I’m choosing to cast my cares on Him, because He loves me. He bore the weight of the sins of the world, and He can bear the weight of our wait.